Loo Roll Tubes

About 6 months ago Mr A said "Are you keeping all these loo roll tubes for a reason or are you really just that lazy that you can't be bothered to put them in the bin?" There were 4. I am unsure as to how quickly we go through loo rolls but even with our matching bowel problems 4 would take 3-4 weeks. This means he has been testing me.

I hate it when he does these tests because I always fail. I am hugely unobservant and my mind works in a different way to his tidy perfect mind. Mine doesn't work. My eyes don't see and my mind doesn't know. Its broken. There is probably an actual bit missing in my brain. Part of the leftal lobe I reckon. I could prove this to him with a series of brain scans and diagrams but it seems an extraordinary expense when I KNOW it is missing. He will occasionally say "Are you ever going to empty the bathroom bin its been like that for a fortnight/month/year?" or worse, he does it and I can see in his eyes he has been waiting for me to do it for ages. I would really rather he just emptied it or asked me to empty it the day he noticed saving my guilt. I never learn or see or know and my mind still doesn't work, I just feel bad for a fair proportion of time.

Anyway, I didn't like the presumption that because perhaps I am sometimes absent-minded this automatically means lazy, so on this day I had no guilt and answered with "Of course I'm not being lazy. I need them. I'm going to make something with them. Its this project thing that I'm doing so yes, thank you, I do need them but perhaps you're right, they don't need to live in the bathroom." Suitable vague, not too much waffling and phew, got away with that... he accepted this no qualms and now also saves all loo roll tubes.

Fast forward 6 months and I have 22 loo roll tubes. In a bag. I also have 2 kitchen roll tubes. I figured that if I one day will have to make something majestic out of them I may as well have an array of sizes. I no longer believe its a ruse as I will make something. I fully plan to. It would be a waste to collect so many and not use them. I just need to work out what for. Perhaps it could just be what I collect. Some people collect stamps, figurines or thimbles. I could have a collection of loo roll tubes. Or perhaps I could turn them into wedding favours? Or put string through them and have the worlds longest necklace for a giant? Or make shoes for sheep? We could strengthen them and build an extension. We could be on Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud would love that. The disdain in his voice would be priceless. "What gave you the idea of a building made entirely of toilet roll tubes?" then he could do the sciencey bit of how it is actually very clever but would take most normal people a lifetime to collect so many.


I just need more. And to stop being tested. I dread to think what I will come up with as an excuse next. It could be far worse.