Being 27

I turned 27 this morning. Here is what Father Birthday brought me:

. Hayfever
. Period
. Melancholy text from the ex

And all before 8am.

I guess that is part of growing up and just goes to show either things can only get better OR life's not a bunch of roses. I have learned something. Or 2 things.

Gladiator Name

I'm pretty sure my Gladiator name would be Chevron.

Every decent gladiator name needs an action. Jet's hair flick was tenuous but sexy. And she did have jet black hair. Which I guess was the point. Chevron lends itself to the action of tips of fingers together and elbows down thus creating a chevron shape. I am not sure whether I would do it atop my head or under my chin. I guess I don't need to decide until I become a gladiator.

Today I did 2 dog walks and 1 swim and it made me very sleepy. I am unlikely to become a gladiator soon.

Heavy Petting

I just went swimming and the sign in the swimming pool that tells you what not to do no longer has Heavy Petting on it. You still can't bomb or dive but there is no sign of heavy petting. When I was younger it was right there for all to see: Heavy Petting with a big red cross through it. Now, nothing. The kids of today are so lucky. Not only do they have mobile phones and dvd players in their rooms they can also heavy pet in the swimming pool. I've a good mind to go and heavy pet in there myself. Offers on a postcard please.

Stripy Cheese

I really like stripy cheese. That Five Counties one. Its brilliant. It has 2 of my favourite things in it: stripes and cheese. I could only like it more if it had a hood. I really like things with hoods. Dresses, tops, children. But not teenage boys. I'm not mad keen on teenage boys. Some might say progress.

Spyders

I don't like spiders. I think they are nosy. Always spying. They just appear and you don't know how long they've been there and they make you jump because you didn't know they were there but they never jump because they knew you were there all along in fact they were watching you. Thats weird.

When you see a spider in the bath, he clearly isn't, wasn't and will never have been having a bath so why is he there? Its suspicious. If it was a person you'd ask questions but because its a spider you accept. I think they were invented by the russians. Code name: Spyder.

When I lament the invention of spiders people say 'if it weren't for spiders we'd have more flies'. I also lament the invention of flies. What exactly is the point in either? I dislike spiders. And flies. Because its their fault. Those pesky russian flies.

Don't trust them. Its a scam.

Incidentally, I recently had a cocktail called a spyder. I say cocktail it was a mocktail and I say mocktail it was just coke and ice cream. What my mum calls an ice-cream float. Delicious though.

Unexpected Behaviour

I just bought something online and as the payment was going through it said 'Do not refresh your browser as this may result in unexpected behaviour.'

I used to work with autistic children and have medically confirmed irritable bowel syndrome (unrelated), you don't need to tell me about unexpected behaviour but I can't see me re-enacting any of that just because I pressed refresh.

If I hadn't really wanted those zoo party tickets I would have refreshed.

Things I Found in My Phone

I like lists and have lots of lists and notes to myself in my phone. Here are some of my favourites:

Wednesday 13th August 2008: I'm wearing too many colours. I can count 7.

Patronising Names: Toots, Love-Muffin, Pigeon, Schnookums, Loveboat, Muffin-Cake, Doll-Face, Candy-Pants, Sweet-Cheeks.

Meaning of Break a Leg: Latter half of 18th Century, Samuel Foote took over the running of the Little Theatre Haymarket (now Theatre Royal). He couldn't get a licence for it as the previous owner had published plays etc against the crown and the King was annoyed. The King's brother heard Foote boasting about how good he was at horse-riding so challenged him to a race the next morning. The Duke bought a horse that'd never been ridden for Foote to ride. He fell off and broke his leg. York felt so bad he granted him the licence. So Break a Leg, technically means misfortune now leads to good fortune in the near future.

Periodic Table: Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Berrylium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Flourine, Neon, Sodium, Magnesium, Aluminium, Sillicone, Phosphorous, Sulphur, Chlorine, Argon, Potassium, Calcium, Scandium, Titanium, Vanadium, Chromium, Manganese, Iron, Cobalt, Nickel, Copper, Zinc, Gallium, Germanium, Arsenic, Selenium, Bromine, Krypton, Rubidium, Strontium, Yitrium, Zirconium.

Amusing Hair Salons I've past today: Curl Up & Dry, Hairing Around.

Crows Feet

I am 27 in 9 days. Thats nice. I love a birthday me. That aside, I was speaking to a lady in Matalan (for the record she said it was her birthday tomorrow and I just mentioned it was mine soon. It WAS relevant. I wasn't making it all about me). Matalan Lady (as she will now be known to me but is probably already known as such to her family) asked how old I was going to be and when I told her she was utterly bowled over. I was with my mum and Matalan-Lady even looked to her for confirmation. She was agog and aghast and said "I thought you were going to say 20!" Mum joked to me, "Better than 15" and M-L said "Well no, 15 is a bit young but I wouldn't have been surprised if you'd still been at school". Well! Imagine that. And I had a dress and mascara on. However, since turning 26 not one retail outlet has id'ed me. I put it down to the crows feet but now I am wondering.