Charlotte Cooper: Spider Warrior

Spider count in the last week: 3
Spider removal in the last week: 3

I am SUCH a spider warrior. I have decided I have had enough of being terrorised by spiders. And no I don't think that's an exaggeration. And yes I do think they do this on purpose. (Please see earlier posts for the whole Spiders-Hate-Charlotte story).

I came back from a run and there was one nonchalantly sitting* on the kitchen floor looking at the washing machine and it wasn't even on. Rude. I chased him out all the way to the door with a leaflet and then forced him to climb aboard said leaflet and be launched into the garden. Spider 1.

The second spider was a skinny-legged biggy (technical term) who had not only broken and entered but then hidden out in the bathroom and more specifically in the bath tub. Double rude. Do you see me going to his house and helping myself to the bath? No, no you do not and why? Because I wasn't dragged up. Dirty scally spider. This made it morally easy to wash him away but he had such long legs he resisted. I was forced to resort to the Cillit Bang and in the words of Barry Scott, everyone's favourite shouty man (after Brian Blessed and before the man on the window advert) BANG and the spider was gone. Spider 2.

The third was dark brown, had a figure of 8 body and sinister markings on his back. By sinister I don't mean a pirate flag, clown or swastika I mean appropriately sinister for a spider. I considered the Cillit Bang but didn't think the hall wall would take it as well as the bath. I considered it anyway as technically it is Mr A's fault as he wasn't here to deal with the spider so would have to deal with the consequences. And then I did the bravest thing I have ever done. Putting the A in adult, I got a glass and a piece of paper. Spider 3.


I will now join the ranks of people with a (punctuational. Don't get toilet humour on me. It's medical.) colon in their name.


Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Do-Do Do-Do Do: Inspector Gadget
Charlotte Cooper: Spider Warrior




*Can spiders sit or are they on their feet all the time? Maybe that's why they have 8 legs to spread the load of constant standing. What about the ones with knees? Surely they can sit. Spider knees can't just be aesthetic. Although I do very much dislike the ones with knees almost as much as the ones with a figure of 8 body and the ones that look like they've got sand on their legs. So perhaps spider knees are a deterrent. It works. Much like a pirate flag, clown or swastika. Although unlike these things. It only works in situ. I am not wary of spider knees detached from spiders.