Disney Club

I had to be 15 and 20 in the same day yesterday. I don't mean that in olden day's talk as in 35, I mean 15 was the age of the character and they were seeing people between the ages of 15 and 20. The dilemma arises when you are 7 and 20 (I do mean that in olden day's talk). A full TWELVE years older than the character and subsequently most of the other auditionees. Or as some people said 'almost twice their age'. Some people are dead now.

I had to say I was born in 1991. The 90s! My god-daughter was born in 1991. In 1991 I went with my family to see Jason Donovan in Joseph at the Palladium. A man got caught in the tube doors and I laughed at him so heartily and so hard I had to be turned to face the other way so my spluttering guffaws weren't too obvious. These are the sorts of things I was doing in 1991. Laughing at people's misfortune. Not being born.

I sat with a group of 3 other girls: a 15 year old, 17 year old and 18 year old.  They were gobsmacked that I was 20 and one pointed out how 'grown-up' (her words) that was. I didn't want to blow her mind with my real age. I felt like the Secret Millionaire with no millions or airs. We discussed what we were singing, we'd be told to sing something up-beat and high-energy, someone mentioned Miley Cyrus's song 'Party in the USA' and they all went mad for it. They each gave a song related comment:

1 - My 9 year old sister loves it!
2 - It's on my most played list on my i-pod!
3 - It's such a happy song!

Each of these statements plagued me and here is why:

1 - The boy I'm kissing has a 9 year old daughter.
2 - I don't own an i-pod.
3 - On first hearing this song I found it so insipid I changed the word hips for tits.

I felt bad for poisoning them with the wisdom in my eyes.

Then I did the most old-person thing. Rosey (lovely, sweet, disney, Rosey) couldn't get her name badge to stick and I said "Don't worry, I have a safety pin." I have never had a safety pin in my whole entire life. I also never have a clean tissue or pain killers. I think you are officially grown up when you carry a tissue, a safety pin and pain killers. Like your mum. That's not a mum joke. I'm too old.